United States and It's Fabulous 50

Here is your Friday story,

When I confronted my daughter after she hurt another child with a mean comment, she cried and immediately wanted to apologize. That was a good thing, but I wanted her to know an apology can't always make things better.

I told her the parable of Will, a 9-year-old whose father abandoned his mom two years earlier. Will was angry, and he often lashed out at others with hurtful words. He once told his mom, "I see why Dad left you!"

Unable to cope with his cruel outbursts, she sent him to his grandparents for the summer. His grandfather's strategy to help Will learn self-control was to make him go into the garage and pound a two-inch-long nail into a four-by-four board every time he said a mean thing.

For a small boy, this was a major task, and he couldn't return until the nail was all the way in. After about ten trips to the garage, Will began to be more cautious about his words. Eventually, he even apologized for all the bad things he'd said.

That's when his grandmother stepped in. She told him to bring in the board filled with nails and instructed him to pull them all out. This was even harder than pounding them in, but after a huge struggle, he did it.

His grandmother hugged him and said, "I appreciate your apology, and of course I forgive you because I love you, but I want you to know an apology is like pulling out one of these nails. Look at the board. The holes are still there. The board will never be the same. Your dad put a hole in you, Will, but please don't put holes in other people. You're better than that."

Michael Josephson
www.charactercounts.org

by Michael Josephson

One of the toughest jobs in the world is being a teenager. Everything is in transition. Everything is intense—even apathy.

Kids on the brink of adulthood have to cope with inconsistencies and conflicts. The desire to be special and different clashes with the need to belong and fit in. The desire for independence collides with the aversion to self-reliance and personal responsibility.

Here are five suggestions to improve the journey through adolescence:

1. Be yourself. Don't expect anyone else to make you happy, but don't allow others to treat you badly. Hang out with people who bring out the best in you, and be the kind of person who brings out the best in others.
   
2. Don't expect too much or settle for too little. Dependability and self-reliance are the tickets to freedom and independence. Don't waste energy resisting what you have to do. Win trust by doing what you should do.
   
3. Treat responsibility as a privilege, not a penalty. The choices you make today will shape tomorrow. Every act has a consequence. Pleasure lasts for a moment, but happiness lasts much longer. Be careful; just because it feels good doesn't make it good.
   
4. Look ahead. Your life is your ship; be the captain, not a passenger. Figure out what needs to be done to improve your life and make it happen. Your attitudes are more important than your aptitudes. You can't control what happens to you, but you can control what happens in you. Don't whine, win.
   
5. Take charge of your life. Mindless conformity is a prison. Express yourself authentically and don't be afraid to stand out. But don't dress or behave in extreme ways just to be different or to prove you can. You don't need orange hair, a nose ring, or tattoos to be special. In the end, it's more important to be respected than noticed.